I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
