I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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