Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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