apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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