She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
