if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
