i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
