My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
