my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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