I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
