I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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