I'm gonna have a badass scar
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
