At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
