you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
