i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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