Buhtt sex?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
