Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
