nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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