Whats the count minus fat chicks?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
