i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
