alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just pee around me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
