Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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