Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
