I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
