After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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I am one with the molecules
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize