I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Please don't give away my fajitas
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
