xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
