The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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