yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
