I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
