i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
