She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
