I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??