I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌