I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
even my farts smell like vagina
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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