Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
