Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
don't judge my taste in strippers
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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