everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
