Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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