There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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