My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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