All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
