so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
