If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
