Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
