im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
