I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
