So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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