My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
