the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
