Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
