And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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