guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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