went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
