Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
