i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
