I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
