dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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