I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
