the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.