i think my tv is drunk
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!