yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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