so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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