You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.