these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.