So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
