are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
