I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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