Jerry, you need to find god
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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