If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize