The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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