Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
