If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
