dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
