That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
