I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
